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The Audition/Transcript
This is the transcript for The Audition. * Tom: the viewers 'Are you ready? I hope you're ready, because I am definitely ready. What am I ready for? I'll tell you what I'm ready for. I'm ready for you TV producers to give me my own show! [''the camera falls a little] Ah, Ginger! Pay attention!' * 'Ginger: the camera Sorry, Tom, not sorry.' * 'Tom: Okay, here it is. The Talking Tom Reality TV show audition video. * '''Tom: the viewers 'Now, I'm gonna come here and be like, "Oh, producers, please, please, please give me a reality show." No, because when you see my cool life, you're gonna be like, oh Tom, please, please, let us give you a reality show. * 'Tom: Hey, I'm probably just being paranoid, but I just wanted you to know that I was just kidding when I was pretending you were going to be begging me for a reality show. Okay? Okay. * CUT! Thanks Ginger. 01:05 Tom! Hey Angela! 01:08 I got here as quickly as I could. Your message said it was urgent. 01:11 Is everything OK? 01:13 Yes, I am finally filming my Reality Show Audition Tape. 01:16 Oh, not really interested... 01:18 Uhu. Now Angela, I need you to check the acoustics for our new 01:21 reality TV confession booth. 01:24 Tom it's a bathroom. 01:26 Well, yeah! People sound great in the bathroom. 01:28 That's why they sing in the shower. 01:29 There is no shower in here! There's just a toilet. 01:32 Shower, toilet, use your imagination. 01:35 What? Use my imagination? Are you kidding me right now? 01:39 That's our Angela. She's not only my good friend, but she is also... 01:43 kind of a pop star. You might even know some of her songs. 01:49 Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh baby, baby... 01:54 “Yeah, yeah, baby, baby?” 01:56 Why don't you sing one of your songs? 02:00 I love Tom. But my manager thought 02:02 it might hurt my career to sing one of my real songs 02:04 on his crazy audition tape. 02:07 As you can see, this is no 02:09 ordinary neighborhood garage; It's what we call “The studio”! 02:13 And it's where I produce games and songs and apps with my 02:16 best friend and business partner, Ben. Hey Ben! 02:21 Tom! Please tell me that camera isn't recording. 02:25 Are you kidding me? That was reality TV gold! 02:36 Ben here is the owner of all this high tech expensive equipment. 02:39 Correct, Tom. So don't you dare touch it. 02:42 Ben's mom won't let him keep the stuff at his house because a few 02:45 too many—shall we say—ahem -- “power surges” caused a few too many—shall 02:50 we say -- “the house fires.” 02:55 Not really my fault. Our electricity grid badly needs an upgrade. 02:59 So Ben, can you tell us what kind of mind-blowing, 03:02 life-changing, high-tech invention you're working on? 03:06 I can, but I don't see the reason why I would. 03:09 Oh, come on Ben, tell us what it does. 03:11 Well, if you must know, this is a squirting flower joke app. 03:16 Uuh! What's that button? 03:18 No no no! Don't push it! 03:20 It doesn't even work. 03:21 Well it should. 03:27 Haha now, that is the funniest thing I have ever seen you do. 03:31 What do you mean, I'm often very funny. 03:34 Ahhh... not really. I Am so? 03:37 No. Ah...Nope. 03:40 You, reality show producers, 03:42 You should know the following: Yes, I'm a tech genius, but I also 03:46 possess a well-rounded personality. For example, I can be whimsical. 03:52 I'm often spontaneous. 03:56 I'm organized... 03:57 In a fun way. 04:00 And most of all, I'm humorous. 04:03 You're humorous? 04:05 What? You don't think I'm funny? 04:06 You know what? Forget I said anything. Oh, nononono, you're not leaving 04:10 until I have shown everyone that I am more than just the brains of 04:14 this operation. Please don't. 04:17 Hello viewer, prepare to laugh at the following standup comedy 04:21 humour presentation. 04:23 Joke number one: 04:25 So yesterday I flew in from the west coast, and boy are my arms tired? 04:37 So you see, Tom, the word “flew” has two different meanings... 04:41 Ben! If a joke is funny you don't need to explain why it's funny! 04:46 Stop it, Tom, you're embarrassing yourself. I have studied a lot more 04:51 comedy than you have...Good day! 04:53 Oh of course, the best comedy comes from a spread sheet! 04:56 What are those two bickering about? 04:58 Do they think that's gonna impress the Producers? 05:01 And why am I talking to you instead of talking directly to them? 05:07 Huh ? ... Take over. 05:12 Ehm...Hi. I'm Tom's roommate Hank. 05:16 Ehm.. I’ve seen every sitcom made from 1986 to 1994... 05:23 And... in France I'm called Honk. 05:31 Ginger? Oh Ginger? 05:35 Ginger it's your turn to talk! 05:37 In a minute, I'm almost done... 05:39 Hey, that's my phone! 05:40 I told you if you don't behave, I'm gonna send you home... 05:43 I'm sorry, Hank. Give me another chance, I'll be good. 05:50 Well...Okay. 05:52 Hi, everybody. My name is Ginger, and I'm seven years old. 05:56 And when I grow up I wanna be just like my role model: Hank. 06:01 Aww, I'm the only one who disciplines the kid... 06:04 That's why he looks up to me—Hey! Give me that! 06:07 Ginger, Ginger, get back here with my phone! 06:08 Have a seat on the couch and tell the producers about yourself. 06:12 Tom, you start. I'm what people call a visionary... 06:16 Some days I wake up and think, “Let’s see, today I’m gonna 06:20 design a hot air balloon that can land on a passing asteroid.” 06:23 Except a hot air balloon can't fly in space... 06:26 That's a minor detail. Comments like that prove that 06:28 you're just not a visionary. And you're not a scientist. 06:31 You two are a great team. Tell us about some of the apps you've created. 06:36 Oh! Tell her about the “Ray Ray”. 06:38 Oh why did you bring that up? The “Ray Ray” was an app 06:42 that used bursts of microwaves to locate people nearby named Ray. 06:46 Wow! Nobody needs that. Well, maybe we should talk about 06:50 “Cook My Salmon” –- the app that makes your phone so hot 06:53 it can cook salmon. Which totally worked, 06:56 it just drained your battery. Ben it set your pants on fire... 06:59 Really guys? So, tell us how you first met. 07:03 Well, it was like a million years ago... 07:08 No it was eight point three years ago. 07:15 Cool! 07:17 Eight point three? 07:18 You are talking nonsense. 07:20 Nonsense? You're the king of nonsense. 07:25 I am literally a hologram of positivity. 07:30 No, the vibe I'm going for here is... “everyone’s got their own whatchamacallit.” 07:35 So Tom, is there anything about Ben 07:37 that gets on your nerves? Hmmm... 07:40 Don't touch that. Don't touch my computer screen. 07:45 Now you're touching me! 07:49 Now, who wouldn't wanna watch that on TV? 07:53 That's it, I am never going 07:55 to work with you again! 08:01 Hey Tom. How's it going? 08:03 Not so good. I don't think my video is good enough 08:05 to convince the TV producers to give me a reality show. 08:08 Then just turn it into a very special Christmas audition video. 08:12 Would that work? Do you know that show 08:14 “The Hermit Housewives of the Aran Islands”? Sure, everyone does. Excuse Me! 08:18 They were almost cancelled. And then they turned every episode 08:22 into a very special Christmas special. Would that work for us? 08:27 Don't ask me. Ask this guy! 08:38 Somebody called Santa? 08:40 HOHOHO! Where did he come from? 08:44 Okay Ginger. Cue ‘The snow’! And... Action! 08:49 This season children all over the world are going to be asking me for 08:52 the same thing. Santa, they're saying, all I want is to see a reality show 08:57 starring Talking Tom and his friends. Hey, what is this? 09:01 It's a public service announcement... for children who want me to 09:04 get my own reality show. Kids watch enough TV! 09:07 No, my show will be good! It will be like a Christmas miracle. 09:11 But I'm not sure the TV producers will like it. 09:14 What do you need a TV producer for? To make all my dreams come true? 09:18 HO HO HO! Good one, Tom! You don't need some out-dated 09:23 washed-up TV producer to make your own reality TV show. 09:26 I don't? 09:28 No, all you need is a video camera, a computer and a bunch of crazy goof-ball friends... 09:37 Which you definitely have... I do? 09:40 HoHoHo, Yes, you do! So just make the show yourself. 09:45 I can do that. Thanks, Santa! This may be the best Christmas ever. 10:01 Angela! come sing with us! 10:07 Anybody has seen Angela? 10:09 Until that awful singing stops, I'm staying right in here with you, 10:12 “Confession Camera.” You're welcome. 10:15 Santa, Santa! 10:17 Santa wait! You forgot my Christmas list. 10:21 Hoho! Email me! * Okay. * * As the pilot ends. Category:Transcripts Category:Season 1 Transcripts